Posted by: jdn9775 | September 15, 2008

Breaking up is hard to do

Relationships are work. Constant work and compromise at a daily level. Well at least I’m told and from what I’ve experienced that’s a pretty fair assessment. Are they supposed to be this hard though? And more specifically, what happens to the relationship when college ends? 

I know the cliches… “take it one day at a time”, or, “if it’s meant to be,” but this really doesn’t do much for me. Is there some magic formula for relationships where you can plug your situation in and press “enter” and get a quick answer? There should be.

A quick google search for such an easy computation revealed www.lovecalulator.com.

Let me do a quick run-through of how this amazing calculator works. Upon going to the page one is instructed to simply enter both parties names in boxes entitled “Name of person 1” and “Name of person 2”. Clever. Apparently all names have meanings and even more so when computed on compatibility with another name. 

Well I put my name in and my girlfriends and according to Dr. Love we only had a 24% chance. Even if we worked really hard and spent a lot of time together. We’re doomed I guess. On a bright note however, Keira Knightley and myself are a 79% chance of success. What are the odds!

The reason I am exploring these issues with my relationship is because of graduation. After I graduate I’m heading West to ski and then Europe. My girlfriend can’t come (work, school, etc.) this doesn’t bother me really. 

I like to get out and experience new things on my own, meet new people, and soul search. Essentially, be an individual. It’s hard to be an individual in a relationship. (**Has anyone else noticed this?**) In relationships people are always blending together and generally over-compromising. These people eventually become so intertwined that you can usually just put their names together. But not in the “Brangellina” way (that’s just weird). 

I don’t think that I can ever be like that. Not that being in a relationship means compromising on everything, that may be a sign that you are too opposite of the other person to work. Maybe I’m selfish. I’m not a fan of compromising on a lot of things and I think that’s O.K. It suits me. 

Staying together would be hard. Breaking would be even harder. There seems to be no end as to how many dilemmas and loose strings graduation bring with it. The whole relationship issue though is a pretty stressful one. If anyone has any thoughts on this issue I’d love to hear about it.

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Responses

  1. Yeah! I completely agree. Breaking up is so hard to do. It seem as though your doing the whole highschool sweetheart thing all over againg right.

    In highschool, you’ve been with this person for four years and when graduation comes its time to make a decision on whether you want to try and make it wok or just let it go. Letting it flow seems to be the result and leads into maybe half of freshman. You break up because of your current girlfreidn now and since then you’ve been with her . Now you’re a senior again and graduation is right around the corner. Sort of a cycle huh.

    Kind of reminds you of highschool. BUT the whole was that this relationship in college was supposed to be more “mature” and “serious” so the expectation after undersgrad is to stay to together and get married.LOL…But is that what you want?

    Breaking up is so hard to do! Tune into my blog soon as where I will discuss the whole hghschool, college difference and transition.

    FREE!!

  2. I would like to say I’m just proud of you for not giving in because you are graduating. It drives me nuts when everyone starts getting engaged and/or married during the last year of college. Why would you choose to marry when you don’t even have a career? Everyone will change so much within the first year of working, how do you know you will still fit with your significant other? As a woman I really feel the pressure. All of my friends are engaged and think I’m weird for not being ready to get married, but I do not want to rush into something that could lead to heartbreak and sadness. Stay strong! If you get back from your trip and feel like you want to move to the next level then do so, but don’t sell yourself short. Experience life and be selfish while you can.

  3. Thanks Amber! I guess a lot of people choose to stay together because they are scared of never having anyone. But the thing is you might just make yourself and the other person miserable by rushing marriage. Plus, I agree with the whole career concept that you stated. I changed when I came to college. I do tons more work and homework then when I was in high school. I imagine there will be significant changes to adjust to after entering the professional world as well. Good point.
    Don’t worry about your friends thinking your weird either. You just need to start hanging out with more guys and they’ll all think you’re amazing for your choice instead of “weird.” 🙂
    Lastly, thank you for encouraging selfishness. I’m not saying that I want to be selfish, but who are we kidding? We’re all selfish. Even your friends who rushed into engagements.

    Thanks for the comment and the insights!

  4. Heyyy I just did a project on human selfishness! So I’ll go ahead and agree, do what makes you happy. If you are not 1000% happy in a relationship, why turn it into a marriage? I def. think people marry for the wrong reasons, and at the wrong times. I’m not so sure that I even believe there is one other person in the world that is meant for us and perfectly compatible with us, sounds a bit ridiculous. I think you can learn to love anyone really, and I think that you shouldn’t waste ANY time on someone you don’t thoroughly enjoy. Life is so short, and if you think you might be happier with someone else, or even alone, then maybe that is something to take into consideration. I, like you, am an extremely free spirited individual. I like doing what I want, when I want, with no one to answer to. I’m also kind of a wild child, and I love to go out and have fun (obviously I’m young), and wouldn’t ya know, most of the guys I date are the type to hold me down quite a bit. It’d be interesting to figure out if that’s a psychological thing. ANYWAYS, I’m getting off topic.. I know that relationships are work although we would love to imagine an effortless relationship. As nothing is perfect in this world, relationships aren’t either. So this is where you have to weigh your relationship with her and decide if you are going to be happier pursuing your interests with or without her as your girlfriend. Not to mention, if she is right for you, it is likely that it will work out anyways. You have the rest of your life to be unselfishness, so why not do a little bit for youself now? I hope this helps!!

  5. Ah yes, I love the unselfish v. selfish philosophical debate. Thanks for the response, it was very insightful. Plus, the more I’ve come to think about marriage the more I wonder, like you, if there is really someone who is totally compatable? Seems a bit out there, like Hollywood out there but who knows.
    I’m going into law and I’ve worked with some divorce attorneys and people are crazy vindicative towards one another, which makes me wonder if they ever loved each other at all. Anyways, starting to ramble, thanks for the response!


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